30 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR KID INSTEAD OF “HOW WAS YOUR DAY?”

by Sara Goldstein

When I picked my son up from his first day of 4th grade, my usual (enthusiastically delivered) question of “how was your day?” was met with his usual (indifferently delivered) “fine.”

Come on! It’s the first day, for crying out loud! Give me something to work with, would you, kid?

The second day, my same question was answered, “well, no one was a jerk.”

That’s good…I guess.

I suppose the problem is my own. That question actually sucks. Far from a conversation starter, it’s uninspired, overwhelmingly open ended, and frankly, completely boring. So as an alternative, I’ve compiled a list of questions that my kid will answer with more than a single word or grunt. In fact, he debated his response to question 8 for at least half an hour over the weekend. The jury’s out until he can organize a foot race.

Questions a kid will answer at the end of a long school day:

1. What did you eat for lunch?
2. Did you catch anyone picking their nose?
3. What games did you play at recess?
4. What was the funniest thing that happened today?
5. Did anyone do anything super nice for you?
6. What was the nicest thing you did for someone else?
7. Who made you smile today?
8. Which one of your teachers would survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?
9. What new fact did you learn today?
10. Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?
11. What challenged you today?
12. If school were a ride at the fair, which ride would it be? Why?
13. What would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?
14. If one of your classmates could be the teacher for the day who would you want it to be? Why?
15. If you had the chance to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?
16. Did anyone push your buttons today?
17. Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why not?
18. What is your teacher’s most important rule?
19. What is the most popular thing to do at recess?
20. Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know? How?
21. Tell me something you learned about a friend today.
22. If aliens came to school and beamed up 3 kids, who do you wish they would take? Why?
23. What is one thing you did today that was helpful?
24. When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
25. What rule was the hardest to follow today?
26. What is one thing you hope to learn before the school year is over?
27. Which person in your class is your exact opposite?
28. Which area of your school is the most fun?
29. Which playground skill do you plan to master this year?
30. Does anyone in your class have a hard time following the rules?

Source: 

http://parent.co/30-questions-to-ask-your-kid-instead-of-how-was-your-day/

12 Things Truly Confident People Do Differently - part 1 of 2

BY TRAVIS BRADBERRY

Confidence takes many forms, from the arrogance of Floyd Mayweather to the quiet self-assurance of Jane Goodall. True confidence -- as opposed to the false confidence people project to mask their insecurities -- has a look all its own. And truly confident people always have the upper hand over the doubtful and the skittish because they inspire others and make things happen.

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." -- Henry Ford

Ford's notion that your mentality has a powerful effect on your success is manifest in the results of a recent study at the University of Melbourne that showed confident people went on to earn higher wages and get promoted more quickly than others.

Learning to be confident is clearly important, but what is it that truly confident people do that sets them apart from everyone else?

I did some digging to uncover the 12 cardinal habits of truly confident people, so you can incorporate these behaviors into your repertoire.

1. They get their happiness from within.

Happiness is a critical element of confidence, because in order to be confident in what you do, you have to be happy with who you are.

People who brim with confidence derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from their own accomplishments, as opposed to what other people think of their accomplishments. They know that no matter what anyone says, you're never as good or as bad as people say you are.

2. They don't pass judgment.

Confident people don't pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don't need to take other people down a notch to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don't waste time sizing up people and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

3. They don't say yes unless they really want to.

Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Confident people know that saying no is healthy, and they have the self-esteem to make their noes clear. When it's time to say no, confident people avoid phrases such as "I don't think I can" or "I'm not certain." They say no with confidence because they know that saying no to a new commitment honors their existing commitments and gives them the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.

4. They listen more than they speak.

People with confidence listen more than they speak because they don't feel as though they have anything to prove. Confident people know that by actively listening and paying attention to others, they are more likely to learn and grow. Instead of seeing interactions as opportunities to prove themselves, they focus on the interaction itself, because they know this is a far more enjoyable and productive approach to people.

5. They speak with certainty.

It's rare to hear the truly confident utter phrases such as "Um," "I'm not sure," and "I think." Confident people speak assertively because they know it's difficult to get people to listen if you can't deliver your ideas with conviction.

6. They seek out small victories.

Confident people like to challenge themselves and compete, even when their efforts yield small victories. One possible reason?  Small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation. The increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases confidence and eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.

Source:

http://www.inc.com/travis-bradberry/12-things-truly-confident-people-do-differently.html?cid=readmore

WILL YOUR CHILD BE RICH OR POOR? 15 POVERTY HABITS PARENTS TEACH THEIR CHILDREN - part 1 of 2

Tom Corley/ Michael Yardney's Commentary

When I travel the country speaking to high school and college students about exactly what they need to do to become financially successful in life I always begin my presentation by asking three questions:

“How many want to be financially successful in life?”

“How many think they will be financially successful in life?”

Almost every time I ask the first two questions every hand rises in the air.

Then I ask the magic third question:

“How many have taken a course in school on how to be financially successful in life?”

Not one hand rises in the air, ever.

Clearly every student wants to be successful and thinks they will be successful but none have been taught by their parents or their school system how to be financially successful in life.

Not only are there no courses on basic financial success principles but there are no structured courses teaching basic financial literacy.

WE ARE RAISING OUR CHILDREN TO BE FINANCIALLY ILLITERATE AND TO FAIL IN LIFE

Is it any wonder that most Americans live paycheck to paycheck?

That most Americans accumulate more debt than assets?

That many Americans lose their homes when they lose their job?

Is it any wonder that most Americans cannot afford college for their children and that student loan debt is now the largest type of consumer debt?

What’s worse is what our children are being taught by their parents, the school system, politicians and the media.

They are teaching our children that the wealthy are corrupt, greedy, have too much wealth and that this wealth needs to be redistributed.

What kind of a message do you think that sends to America’s future generation?

It is teaching them that seeking financial success by pursuing the American Dreams is a bad thing.

The Occupy Wall Street movement was a manifestation of this “wealth is bad and needs to be redistributed “mindset. .

HERE ARE SOME STATISTICS FROM MY FIVE-YEAR STUDY ON THE DAILY HABITS THAT SEPARATE THE WEALTHY FROM THE POOR

1.    72% of the wealthy know their credit score vs. 5% of the poor

2.    6% of the wealthy play the lottery vs. 77% of the poor

3.    80% of the wealthy are focused on at least one goal vs. 12% of the poor

4.    62% of the wealthy floss their teeth every day vs. 16% of the poor

5.    21% of the wealthy are overweight by 30 pounds or more vs. 66% of the poor

6.    63% of the wealthy spend less than 1 hour per day on recreational Internet use vs. 26% of the poor

7.    83% of the wealthy attend/attended back to school night for their kids vs. 13% of the poor

8.    29% of the wealthy had one or more children who made the honor roll vs. 4% of the poor

9.    63% of wealthy listen to audio books during their commute vs. 5% of the poor

10.  67% of the wealthy watch 1 hour or less of T.V. per day vs 23% of the poor

11.  9% of the wealthy watch reality T.V. shows vs. 78% of the poor

12.  73% of the wealthy were taught the 80/20 rule vs. 5% of the poor (live off 80% save 20%)

13.  79% of the wealthy network 5 hours or more per month vs. 16% of the poor

14.  8% of the wealthy believe wealth comes from random good luck vs. 79% of the poor

15.  79% of the wealthy believe they are responsible for their financial condition vs. 18% of the poor
To be continued...

Source:

http://propertyupdate.com.au/will-child-rich-poor-15-poverty-habits-parents-teach-children/

10 Principles of Effective and Authentic Leadership - part 2 of 2

by Anush Kostanyan

5. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
It's not a secret that much talking and less acting has nothing to do with effectiveness. What people see affects them many times greater than what they hear. So, choose actions. Don't waste your and other people's time on endless conversations about your plans. Just realize that plans and be sure that everyone will see it.

6. Flexibility May Refer to Behavior, Not Values
Depending on circumstances you may choose a different style of leadership or communication. Flexibility is a truly effective trait, if it doesn't affect your values. Each and every decision of yours, no matter the situation, must be based on your value system. As long as your actions are value-driven, you will have the trust and respect of people around you.

7. Leadership is All About People
Could you be a leader in an empty room by having profound goals and skills? Of course, not. Leading means communicating, influencing and engaging. Communication skills are the foundation of effective leadership. Constantly improve your relationships with people, and the amazing results won't make you wait.

8. It Is Fine To Admit Mistakes
If everything has always been done perfectly, we would have somehow lost the ability to analyze and improve. Mistakes are proof that you are doing something. You won't become a worse leader if you admit your mistakes. By doing that, you will show that you are wise enough to learn from your each and every experience.

9. Unity Is Strength
Team is somehow the most important resource for each leader. Embrace your team and devote your energy to care about its unity each and every day. As long as your team is splendid, nothing can stay on your way to success. Make sure that all people in your team consider themselves as members of a strong, unified family.

10. There Is Always Room for Growth
Remember, satisfaction should be a short-term feeling. Life would become useless without ongoing improvement. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't appreciate what you have. This means that you should be thankful for everything you have achieved, but still try to do a little more for this world.

Source
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anush-kostanyan/10-principles-of-effective-and-authentic-leadership_b_5686841.html

Five Scientific Ways to Build Habits That Stick

by Gregory Ciotti

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” Sobering words from Aristotle, and an astute reminder that success doesn’t come overnight. On the contrary, it’s discipline that gets you from Point A to the often elusive Point B.

In our day-to-day lives, habits can often be tough to build, as there are plenty of distractions that can lead us off the “straight and narrow” and right back to our old ways. To alleviate some of those troubles we can examine some academic research on motivation, discipline, and habit building, and break down their findings into actionable steps that any aspiring habit-builder can put into place.

1. Make “micro quotas” and “macro goals”

In a fascinating study on motivation, researchers found abstract thinking to be an effective method to help with discipline. In the most basic sense, “dreaming big” is pretty good advice after all. And since a variety of research around the self-determination theory shows us that creating intrinsic motivators (being motivated to do things internally, not through punishments or rewards) is an essential process of building habits that stick, you need to find a way to balance this desire to dream big with your day-to-day activities, which often do not result in quick, dramatic changes.

The answer is to create what I call “micro quotas” and ”macro goals.” Your goals should be the big picture items that you wish to someday accomplish, but your quotas, are the minimum amounts of work that you must get done every single day to make the bigger goal a reality. Quotas make each day approachable, and your goals become achievable because of this.

Writer/developer Nathan Barry has made for a great case study of the use of these quotas as someone who forced himself to write 1000 words per day come hell or high-water. The result was three self-published books resulting in thousands of dollars in sales.

2. Create behavior chains

Creating sticky habits is far easier when we make use of our current routines, instead of trying to fight them. The concept of if-then planning is built around environmental “triggers” that we can use to let us know that it’s time to act on our habit. Also known implementation intentions, this tactic involves picking a regular part of your schedule and then building another “link in the chain” by adding a new habit.

For instance, instead of “I will keep a cleaner house,” you could aim for, “When I come home, I’ll change my clothes and then clean my room/office/kitchen.”Multiple studies confirm this to be a successful method to rely on contextual cues over willpower. So the next time you decide to “eat healthier,” instead try “If it is lunch time, Then I will only eat meat and vegetables.”

3. Eliminate excessive options

According to a variety of research on self-control  —and expounded upon in books like The Willpower Effect — there is great power in being boring. Take, for instance, Barack Obama’s insistence on never wearing anything but blue and gray suits. According to the president, “I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make too many decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.”

The president’s belief is well supported by the research—Kathleen Vohs and her colleagues’ study on self-control found that making repeated choices depleted the mental energy of their subjects, even if those choices were mundane and relatively pleasant. According to the Harvard Business Review, if you want to maintain long term discipline, it’s best to “Identify the aspects of your life that you consider mundane — and then ‘routinize’ those aspects as much as possible. In short, make fewer decisions.”

For lasting change, the steps you take must ultimately change your environment and schedule. Stop buying snacks if you want to stop snacking (no willpower needed), pack a very similar lunch every day of the week, and embrace the power of routine to get the necessary done each day.

4. Process plan (but don’t fantasize)

The step that many people skip when they fantasize about building a certain habit is they never clearly answer why they want the change to occur. It may seem like a small detail, but it plays a huge role in keeping our motivation up over time. A variety of research shows us that excessive fantasizing about results can be extremely detrimental to the stickiness of any habit.

According to this study from UCLA, the mistake is in what we visualize. Researchers found that those participants who engaged in visualizations that included the process of what needed to be done to achieve the goal (ex: fantasizing about learning another language, by visualizing themselves practicing every day after work) were more likely to stay consistent than their peers (that visualized themselves speaking French on a trip to Paris). The visualization process worked for two reasons:

• Planning: visualizing the process helped focus attention on the steps needed to reach the goal.
• Emotion: visualization of individual steps led to reduced anxiety.

5. Eliminate “ah-screw-its”

New habits are often very fragile, and it is for this reason that we must eliminate any source of friction that may lead us astray. These “ah-screw-it” moments (hat tip to blogger Derek Halpern) are the specific moments where you find yourself saying, “Screw this, it’s not worth the effort!” A more scientific take on this phenomenon is called the What the Hell Effect, which explains why we are so likely to abandon ship with a new habit at the first slip-up.

The solution? Examine your habit and find exactly where things start to break down. In a great example of putting this in action, Author and 99U speaker Ramit Sethi has explained how he improved his gym attendance by finding where things would slip:

When I sat down to analyze why I wasn’t going to the gym, I realized: my closet was in another room. That meant I had to walk out in the cold [to] put on my clothes. It was easier to just stay in bed. Once I realized this, I folded my clothes and shoes the night before. When I woke up the next morning, I would roll over and see my gym clothes sitting on the floor. The result? My gym attendance soared by over 300%.

You can even incorporate an “if-then” scenario once you find the culprit. For instance, if fatigue is stopping you from playing guitar after work, you could set up a system of “If I’m feeling tired after work, then I will take a 20-minute nap and listen to music for five minutes to get myself motivated.”

Source:

http://99u.com/articles/17123/5-scientific-ways-to-build-habits-that-stick

10 Secrets of Happy Couples

How do happy couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.

Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

3. Spend time together.

There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for “separateness.”

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.

5. Make the most of your differences.

Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.

6. Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want.

If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally. 

7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved.

There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over.

8. Communicate!

Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so: Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting him or her. Just listen. When he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even if you don’t agree. This will take your partner off of the defensive, and make it easier for them to hear your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution.

9. Honesty is essential.

You may share with your partner the things he or she doesn’t want to hear. Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural as breathing.

10. Respect your partner, and don’t take him or her for granted.

Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to show you really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he or she will be thankful that you did.

Your efforts will be like planted seeds that will eventually give fruit.

3 Steps To Raising A Happy Child

by David Kanegis

Youngsters and adolescents face a daily barrage of challenges to their sense of self worth, well-being and perception of just where they fit into the scheme of things. There are more unhappy and suffering children than adults think... and yours just might be one of them.

Want to raise a physically and emotionally healthy child? It doesn't happen by magic. It takes planning, your self-awareness, spousal communication and a host of other actions.

Empower Your Child

Whatever the age, or whether you're a parent or grandparent you have the ability (and in my humble opinion) the responsibility to create an environment in which your child is encouraged to experiment, challenged to take chances and respected for choices they make.

This doesn't mean letting your child run free, doing whatever they feel like and misbehaving without suffering consequences.

It does represent looking for activities and methods of communication that put your child in the driver's seat. Creating challenges no matter the outcome is healthy for children. It's how they learn to deal with both success and failure.

My elementary students were comprised largely of children at risk. Many suffered from highly dysfunctional home conditions, academic difficulties and a host of emotional ills. I made it a point within the first week of school to identify one strength unique to each child... and then reinforce it.

Both children and adults handle adversity better when they have had positive experiences in their lives. It's much easier to handle failure when your frame of reference is a positive one.

Bottom Line # 1:

Make An Empowerment Plan - Create opportunities for your youngster to develop feelings of self-confidence, importance and worthiness. Let them know you value them and their opinions!

Communicate With Your Child

I don't mean simply listen as they tell you about their school day. Chances are if you ask how school was (a question so many kids hate) all you'll get is the word "fine."

Talking to your child about what they should be doing, driving them to activities, reminding them of dinner time, *nagging about homework, lecturing about keeping their room clean... all these are important components of parenting but do not constitute enlightened communication that shows interest, teaches, demonstrates love and as mentioned earlier empowers them.

* A note about homework nagging. Just my opinion... it's not very helpful and creates on-going stress and hassles that can derail the best laid plans. It's my belief that there are a variety of reasons kids procrastinate doing homework. In fact, it's an area where open discussions, probing questions and close listening will provide you with lots of useful input. Yelling and punishments may get it completed, but make for more stress than it's worth.

Worse case (particularly for children who have the ability but lack the inclination) they'll receive bad grades and at some point self correct. I'm sure there are readers that may not agree and please feel free to comment below.

Bottom Line #2:

Create A Communication Protocol - Give thought about how you interact with your child, your tone of voice, how well you listen, the value you give to what's important to them, creating opportunities that allow and encourage self expression and any way you can demonstrate that you are always available to them no matter what!

Generate A Stress Free Atmosphere

OK. This one may seem a bit idealistic. However once again it's a matter of introspection and becoming aware of what transpires in the home on a daily basis. Whether there's both a Mom and Dad or it's a single family household you can manage the environment you create.

Is it easy? No. When a marriage is intact, there's often an incredible amount of inconsequential bickering. Do yourself and your child a favor... become aware and look at ways to help create a harmonious environment.

If you are a single parent you're probably running on empty! Perhaps you're a soccer mom. You can't change the fact that your spouse isn't providing enough or any child support, doesn't arrive on time to pick your up your child on the weekend, don't have any support with discipline, feel stretched at all ends and to top it off have no social life.

As a single Dad you may harbor tremendous resentment that you get so little time to spend with your child. Custody laws are changing but generally tend to favor Mothers. Disagreements over how to raise your child can be a constant source of tension.

These are all real and valid stressors. It's not easy to react to frustrations with your child in a stress free way. But the truth is, with thought and planning you can channel your reactions to stress, reduce the level of it you communicate to your child, create a more relaxed environment... and ultimately make daily living enjoyable and healthy for all.

Bottom Line #3:

Be aware of the impact of the stress you are under. This is different than experiencing being stressed. In a way it's a bit like mindfulness... let yourself experience the stress and the feelings that go along with it. However, look for ways you can mediate the feelings and make a concerted effort to create a family environment that celebrates moments of peacefulness, harmony and relaxation.

A tool I used as a teacher and now when coaching families is what I call "Quiet Time." This is different from the valuable quality family time that many share. It's a period during the late afternoon or evening when every family member spends "alone time" doing whatever relaxes them the most. There's no communication with or expectations of one another. You'll be amazed at how cathartic and stress reducing this can be.

One special reminder...read to the little ones every night. It's relaxing and proven to help them in reading and language development. Don't be afraid to use character voices and act a bit silly. Your child will love it!

Naturally there are many more than three ways you can help your child. Yet if you take nothing else away from this article let it be that creating a healthy home atmosphere doesn't just happen spontaneously.. It takes planning. Make the time. It's worth it!