As discussed in the previous post, the last two human needs –
growth and contribution, are needs of the spirit. And meeting them is what
ultimately accomplishes our mission, our feeling of a fulfilled life, as human
beings.
The need for contribution is one that I believe takes most
time to mature in terms of how we meet it. Its scale grows with the person, and
takes different proportions depending on the person’s achievements in life, and
their social engagement.
What contribution means for a little toddler is helping mum
put the toys away, or wash the dishes. Or make a cake – it is a most tangible
achievement, and very rewarding, indeed! Then the child moves into the
community of its class and school. You know those active children that take
part in every committee at school, give their voice at every meeting and want
to change the world? They certainly are meeting their need for significance,
but also there is the need for contribution met in an ecological, sustainable,
resourceful way. When you start doing things for the greater good and not only
for your personal satisfaction, this is when you are moving in the right direction
of self-fulfillment. Because sooner or later this need will start working on
your conscience, and will expect that you give it due attention and effort.
Adults contribute to society in many ways – the head of the
family looks after his children, protects his wife and name; we all give our
best as employees, business owners, housewives. Family, workplace, immediate
community are, most often, grateful beneficiaries of our commitment,
dedication, ability and desire to give and not only grow ourselves, but help grow. And the more we meet the need
to contribute, the bigger the contribution becomes with every step.
Alternatively, if there is a disharmony between our need and
what we actually accomplish, we revert to unresourceful behavioural patterns. We
anaesthetise ourselves by watching TV, playing games, watching mindless movies,
and having a drink… or five.
It is equally important to find the resourceful ways to
contribute to your relationship. If you cannot figure out what to bring into
that special environment/community of two, you may fall into a sabotaging
withdrawal. Or even into an aggressive attitude, that tries to cover up for the
emptiness and lack of clarity on how you can make yourself useful, how you can
act and grow so that you feel like you have created, and keep building up, a
noteworthy entity.
A relationship based on trust and desire to learn more about
the other partner, and contribute to their world, is one that vows for
longevity. Contribution starts with a little gesture of generosity, and moves
onto selfless acts of responding to the needs of your partner. The next step is
to be proactive, to anticipate what will work and make this partnership bigger,
of higher grandeur, more mature.
So start listening and noticing – what are your partner’s
needs, what works and what needs improvement. Where do you see this
relationship in a month? In five years? In 50? How can the two of you turn into
two wise, knowledgeable people who cannot only sense each other’s needs and
step in when needed, but take this wisdom to a state of living in harmony, and
teaching others how to achieve it? Because once you start doing it and applying
it every step of the way, the next stage will be to teach it, to spread it. So
that you can contribute even further and help create more happy and fulfilled couples.
Elena Alexandrova-Long
Your Coach to Success
www.envisionlifedesign.com.au
