3. Speak up about what you want and need. The etiquette of good communication is simple: say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t be mean when you say it. Before speaking up, ask your partner if he or she is available to hear you. If your partner is absorbed in a magazine and you simply start talking, your words, no matter how eloquently spoken, are likely to be unheard and felt as intrusive. When speaking, if you use “I” statements and feeling words, and are specific about what you need or want, you are more likely to get at least some of what you are asking for. Blaming and criticizing your partner are indirect and hurtful ways of expressing needs. How much differently do you think your partner will respond to “You never call me during the day from work” than to “I would really like it if you would give me a call from work tomorrow. I miss talking with you during the day.
4. When your partner is talking to you, LISTEN! Don’t interrupt, roll your eyes, mutter under your breath, or gaze off into the distance. Be respectful and attentive. Stone-walling or giving a cold shoulder are forms of communicating: They say: I don’t want to hear what you say, I don’t care what you think, and I’m not going to make any effort to try and listen. Is that the message you want to give your mate? If you aren’t available to listen, say so, rather than pretending to be available when you are not. If you don’t agree with your partner, wait your turn to talk about your view. Probably the biggest gripe partners of both genders have about their relationships is not feeling understood. Paraphrasing St. Francis of Assissi, seek not to be understood, but to understand. How can you understand if you don’t even listen? Show you are listening by making eye contact, nodding, and asking questions, repeating back what you heard your partner say and asking clarifying questions. Your mate will be more likely to offer you the same courtesy.
5. When you are angry, breathe, take a time out, and get rational before talking.Words blurted out in anger are often regretted. The feelings are valid; the expression of those feelings needs to be constructive, not undermining, hurtful and destructive. Mishandled anger can be very damaging to a partnership. Many of us never learned reliable communication skills, much less how to argue in ways that express feelings directly but without venom. We are often angry about something our partner has said or done, but if anger gets expressed viciously, it becomes more global. The issues get muddied, and the battle becomes about who is the better person, not about whatever the original concern was. As in verbalizing other needs, make sure your partner is available to listen and use I statements to talk about your feelings, not about why the other person is wrong.
6. Plan a date night every week. Schedule a consistent time each week just for the two of you to do something fun. Take turns deciding what to do. This is not just a time to hang out at home and see what’s new on TV. But it doesn’t need to be costly, either. It can be taking a leisurely walk in a new part of town or going out to watch the sunset and stopping for tea. It can be an evening spent at home, but one that has been choreographed to create something special. If a weekend afternoon is better than an evening, schedule it for then. If your schedules don’t allow for a consistent time each week, then plan ahead and get times on your calendars well in advance. What’s important is that this is an opportunity to enjoy each other’s company and do something pleasurable that enhances your relationship. Fun is the glue that keeps our relationships alive and healthy.
Source:
http://avisrumney.com/services-offered/relationships/clashing-couples
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