Your Daily Quote - Refocus

There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself.

Eckhart Tolle

12 Habits of Genuinely Courageous People - part 2 of 2

BY JEFF HADEN

6. They're not afraid to show genuine emotion.

Acting professionally is actually fairly easy. (We all know a few robots.)

Acting professionally while also remaining openly human takes courage. It's not easy to show sincere excitement, sincere appreciation, and sincere disappointment--not just in others but also in yourself. It takes real bravery to openly celebrate, openly empathize, and openly worry.

Don't be afraid to strike a balance between professionalism and humanity. That's what builds exceptional relationships--both professional and personal.

7. They're not afraid to forgive... and forget.

When an employee makes a mistake--especially a major mistake--it's easy to forever view that employee through the lens of that mistake.

But one mistake, or one weakness, or one failing is also just a part of the whole person.

It's easy to fire, to punish, to resent; it's much harder to step back, set aside a mistake, and think about the whole person. It takes courage to move past and forget mistakes and to treat an employee, a colleague, or a friend as a whole person and not just a living reminder of an error, no matter how grievous that mistake may have been.

Don't be afraid not just to forgive... but also to forget.

8. They're not afraid to stay the course.

It's easy to have ideas, but it's hard to stick with those ideas in the face of repeated failure.

And it's incredibly hard to stay the course when everyone else feels you should give up.

Hesitation, uncertainty, and failure causes people to quit. It takes courage to face the fear of the unknown and the fear of failure.

Don't be afraid to trust your judgment, your instincts, and your willingness to overcome every obstacle. You can.

9. They're not afraid to earn the right to lead.

Every boss has a title, and in theory that title confers the right to direct, to make decisions, to organize and instruct and discipline.

The truly brave leader forgets the title and leads by making people feel they work with, not for, that person.

Don't be afraid to stop falling back on a title but instead working to earn respect; when you do, you earn the permission to truly lead.

10. They're not afraid to succeed through others.

Great teams are made up of people who know their roles, set aside personal goals, willingly help each other, and value team success over everything else. Great business teams win because their most talented members are willing to sacrifice to make others successful and happy.

Don't be afraid to answer the question, "Can you make the choice that your happiness will come from the success of others?" with a resounding "Yes!"

The payoff is worth it.

11. They're not afraid to say, "I'm sorry."

We all make mistakes, and we all have things we need to apologize for: Words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, show support.

It takes courage to say, "I'm sorry." It takes even more courage not to add, "But I was really mad, because..." or "But I did think you were..." or any words that in any way places the smallest amount of blame back on the other person.

Don't be afraid to say you're sorry. You'll gain, not lose, respect--and in the process repair a relationship that might have been damaged.

12. They're not afraid to take undeserved blame.

A customer is upset. A coworker is frustrated. A supplier feels shortchanged. An investor is impatient.

Whatever the issue, the courageous people step up and take the hit. They support others. They support their teams. They willingly take responsibility and draw negative attention to themselves because to do otherwise is not just de-motivating and demoralizing, it also undermines other people's credibility and authority.

Don't be afraid to throw yourself under the bus; and if that's too much to ask, at the very least never throw other people under the bus.

Source: http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/12-ways-genuinely-courageous-people-are-more-successful.html

Your Daily Quote - Forgiveness

The truth is, in most cases we choose not to forgive because we want to be right. And even more, we secretly enjoy being a victim, being important.
Elena Alexandrova

How to forgive... even when you don't want to - part 1

“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” ~Jean Paul Sartre

• Resentment is the poison you feed yourself, hoping someone else will die.
• Forgiveness is a choice.
• Refusing to forgive is living in the past.
  We don’t like admitting to the fact that some petty part of ourselves doesn’t want to forgive people. We say we “don’t know how,” and that might be true, but the other truth is that some part of us often doesn’t want to forgive.
  We don’t want to admit that this part exists, because of all the stories it piles on top of us—stories that we’re mean, petty, judgmental people.
  Of course, we’re expressing mean, petty, judgmental behaviours when we refuse to forgive.
  It’s not intentional, it’s just that we've been hurt, and forgiveness feels like letting someone off the hook, or pretending that it was okay that they did what they did.
  The irrational fear is that if we forgive, someone else will do “it” again—but the truth is, whether or not we forgive has nothing to do with controlling another person’s behaviour.
  People do what they do. The only person to let off the hook is ourselves, by not concerning ourselves with monitoring someone else’s behaviour, or replaying the past.
  So, how can you move through the process of forgiving others?
  These aren’t “easy steps” by any means, especially because many of them are worked in tandem, but nonetheless they are pieces that make up the whole.
  First, acknowledge the parts of you that don’t want to forgive—that want to punish by not forgiving, that derive some artificial source of power from withholding forgiveness.
  It’s a sign of health that we become aware of those places rather than pushing them away, pretending that they don’t exist.
  Secondly, if you’re aware already of the fact that you don’t want to forgive, consider the stories that go along with that.
  I’ve already mentioned a few. Perhaps the most common is that forgiveness will mean that someone is absolved from responsibility for their behaviour.
  Here is what I know, after six years of coaching clients: When someone wrongs another, they always suffer. They might not tell you about it, or they might put on a bravado. They might not even be aware that their behaviour is at the root of their suffering.
  But trust me, they suffer. If someone is unkind, they suffer from either the conscious belief that they were unkind, or they suffer from the unconscious fallout of their behaviour. (“I don’t understand why people leave/I always get fired/I feel so isolated and alone.”)
  Third, find the common ground.
  Where are you just like this person that you don’t want to forgive? This is the part that people resist most.
  Perhaps your partner cheated on you, and you know for certain that you would never cheat on your partner. But, if cheating is a form of deception, can you see places in your life where you have deceived someone else? Are you 100% honest on your taxes? Did you ever shoplift as a teenager? Do you tell “little white lies” at work?
  No—I would never suggest that a cheating partner is equally as painful as stuffing a t-shirt into your purse when you were a young, reckless teenager.
  What I’m suggesting is that the two are borne of the same places. Deceit has its roots in fear—fear of being honest, fear of not getting something needed.
  When we see that we are equally as capable of acting out as the next person, and especially when we compassionately see the fear that drove them to behave the way they did, there’s the potential for release.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Source: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-forgive-when-you-dont-really-want-to/

Make Her Fall in Love with You, Over and Over Again - part 2 of 2

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

MEN - THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER.There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

Source: http://geraldrogers.com/category/relationships-2/

Your Daily Quote - Love Each Other