(a divorced guy's perspective)
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something
about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things
I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a
marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When
you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it.
This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with.
SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you
must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the
world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must
enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and
invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and
over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you
were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person
you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other
every day. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her
heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and
you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you
did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in
her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus
on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to
be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by
love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you
know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this
woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to
change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her
ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you
wanted or not.
6. Take full
accountability for your own emotions:
It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are
responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will
spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife
if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is
triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your
responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to
look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be
healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited
to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you
could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by
her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset,
it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s
ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are
that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change
and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you
remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T
RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t
going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and
emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so
damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else
easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages
and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask
her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those
things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Source: http://geraldrogers.com/category/relationships-2/
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