7 Solutions That Can Save a Relationship - part 1 of 3

Rocky road? Get your love life back on track

By Carol Sorgen

It's the rare couple that doesn't run into a few bumps in the road. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you'll have a much better chance of getting past them.

Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, successful couples have learned how to manage the bumps and keep their love life going. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help books and articles, attending seminars, going to counseling, observing other successful couples, or simply using trial and error.

Relationship Problem: Communication

All relationship problems stem from poor communication, according to Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of Blending Families. "You can't communicate while you're checking your BlackBerry, watching TV, or flipping through the sports section," she says.

Problem-solving strategies:

·         Make an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.

·         If you can't "communicate" without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you'd be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.

·         Set up some rules. Try not to interrupt until your partner is through speaking, or ban phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ...."

·         Use body language to show you're listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you're getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, "What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we're both working." If you're right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, "Hey, you're a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you," he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

Relationship Problem: Sex

Even partners who love each other can be a mismatch, sexually. Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight, says a lack of sexual self-awareness and education worsens these problems. But having sex is one of the last things you should give up. "Sex," Fay says, "brings us closer together, releases hormones that help our bodies both physically and mentally, and keeps the chemistry of a healthy couple healthy."

Problem-solving strategies:

·         Plan, plan, plan. Fay suggests making an appointment, but not necessarily at night when everyone is tired. Maybe during the baby's Saturday afternoon nap or a "before-work quickie." Ask friends or family to take the kids every other Friday night for a sleepover. "When sex is on the calendar, it increases your anticipation," Fay says. Changing things up a bit can make sex more fun, too, she says. Why not have sex in the kitchen? Or by the fire? Or standing up in the hallway?

·         Learn what truly turns you and your partner on by each of you coming up with a personal "Sexy List," suggests California psychotherapist Allison Cohen. Swap the lists and use them to create more scenarios that turn you both on.

·         If your sexual relationship problems can't be resolved on your own, Fay recommends consulting a qualified sex therapist to help you both address and resolve your issues.

Source:

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/7-relationship-problems-how-solve-them

10 Secrets of Super Happy Couples - part 1 of 2

What do happy couples do right? We found 10 surprisingly quirky relationship tips to help you have a happy marriage or relationship

  BY SHEILA MONAGHAN

This is just in from the love lab: Surprisingly quirky—and scientifically proven—ways to maintain a great relationship.

Pretend you just met.
Whether you've been together for six months or six years, spend some time each day acting as if you just started dating. Ask him what he thought of that TV episode or share what you'd do if you won the lottery. "Over time, couples stop asking those exploratory, get-to-know-you questions because they think they already understand each other," says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. But because we all continue to change and develop, little daily check-ins like this are what keep the connection growing, according to Orbuch's research of 373 pairs. Chat about something besides the daily grind—at least for a bit.

Nurture your friends' relationships.
You might divorce-proof your own. According to researchers, the breakup of a close pal's marriage increases your odds of splitting by as much as 75 percent. "Some people may see another's divorce as permission to change their own life," says study coauthor Rose McDermott, Ph.D. But when you encourage friends to stay together (happily), you may generate reasons that also apply to your bond.

Burn bras (together).
Forget flowers—feminism is the new romance, say experts at Rutgers University in New Jersey. Women whose male partner is a feminist report better relationship quality, while men with feminist partners experience more sexual satisfaction and relationship stability. "A male feminist partner may increase a woman's ability to realize her own goals and career ambitions," says study author Laurie Rudman, Ph.D. "And male feminists are probably not threatened by their partner's strivings." Plus, these women may be more likely to initiate sex, and no guy will complain about that.

Don't win an Oscar.
That is unless you'd like to thank the academy for ruining your relationship. A Best Actress winner is 63 percent more likely to have her marriage end before her category mates do, say researchers at Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Toronto. (And it's not an honor just to be nominated either: Sixty percent of all nominees, male or female, experience at least one divorce after getting a nod.) While the breakup rate might seem like celebrity hogwash, the findings may speak to an underlying social norm: Sudden one-sided success can put a strain on a romantic partnership. "The increased rate of divorce may be due to a husband's discomfort with his wife's success," says study author Colleen Stuart, Ph.D. "On the other hand, the wife may grow dissatisfied with her current marital arrangement because she now has the confidence and opportunity to move away from a bad relationship." Try to remain a power couple: Encourage and celebrate each other's successes, big and small.

Source:

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/love-advice-0

Your Six Core Needs - Love and Connection, part 4 of 7

When we talk about love and connection between partners, between lovers, we mean much more than the intimate physical attraction and experience. Sex and lust are a great spice to the relationship, but the foundation is much deeper and more profound.

There are two important things, therefore, that we need to remind ourselves about the need of love and connection:

-          It is met at many levels – spiritual, intellectual, physical

-          It is met best not only when receiving, but when giving, as well.

If your partner is your true mate, or soul mate, they love talking to you, sharing experiences, opinions, feelings. Sometimes even challenging you, to test whether the spark still works, whether you will respond. Whether it will be a shared joke, teasing, or luring – it’s a secret game that only the two people privy to it can understand, and play according to the unspoken rules.

When your partner shares – experiences from the day, impressions of the world, their perspective, how often do you make an attempt and are present, and listen – with all your attention? Do you make yourself available for them? Put aside everything you do for 5 minutes, show empathy and act as if you are reading their mind? Let them know that you are there for them, that you will stand by them. And then, only then, start to look for solutions – together. Because often we want the dearest person to just listen, and be present. A great place to connect is among nature, during a short walk together.

When you are intimate with each other, do you have an interlude? Because, as it turns out, men also are romantic in nature. Both sides like a cosy atmosphere – nice dinner, gentle music, candles… Have a date night every week!

And the beautiful thing about connecting is, the more you give, the more trust and warmth you get, the more the passion deepens. How often do you tell your partner: “I love you!” like you mean it? Look them in the eyes, feel the passion and gratitude that fill your heart, and say it with a smile: “I love you!”, every morning, every night.

Elena Alexandrova-Long

Your Coach to Success

www.envisionlifedesign.com.au