By Francine Russo
If couples were paying any attention during the past few
decades, they should be able to recite the one critical ingredient for a
healthy relationship — communication. But the latest study shows that other
skills may be almost as important for keeping couples happy.
While expressing your needs and feelings in a positive way to
your significant other is a good foundation for resolving conflicts and
building a healthy relationship, these skills may not be as strong a predictor
of couples’ happiness as experts once thought.
In an Internet-based study involving 2,201 participants referred
by couples counselors, scientists decided to test, head to head, seven
“relationship competencies” that previous researchers and marital therapists
found to be important in promoting happiness in romantic relationships. The
idea was to rank the skills in order of importance to start building data on
which aspects of relationships are most important to keeping them healthy. In
addition to communication and conflict resolution, the researchers tested for
sex or romance, stress management, life skills, knowledge of
partners and self-management to see which ones were the best predictors of
relationship satisfaction.
Not surprisingly, those who reported communicating more
effectively showed the highest satisfaction with their relationships. But the
next two factors — which were also the only other ones with strong links to
couple happiness — were knowledge of partner (which included everything from
knowing their pizza-topping preferences to their hopes and dreams) and life
skills (being able to hold a job, manage money, etc.).
For today’s couples interested in improving their relationships,
say the study’s authors, therapists might consider going back to the basics and
incorporating more practical social skills into their discussions. And that may
include referring those who lack these skills to money managers or career
coaches. “Communication skills are necessary,” says Lisa Neff, couples
researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, “but they’re not
sufficient when couples are under stress.”
It’s important for couples to know how the outside world —
whether they can get a job, whether their kids can play outside safely or go to
a good school — will affect their relationship even if they have good life
skills and good communication skills. Strong relationships, says Bradbury,
recognizes how pressures outside of home and the relationship can influence,
and even break down good communication skills.
“Outside,” Bradbury says, “there is a real world that impinges
on us.” To deal with it takes not only communication, but also an understanding
that even the strongest communication networks among partners can falter and
when they’re under this intense external pressure. The strategy he suggests for
couples he counsels is to join forces rather than turn away from each other.
“It’s not you against each other; it’s you against the world,” he says.
Find the complete
article at: http://healthland.time.com/2013/08/16/the-key-to-happy-relationships-its-not-all-about-communication/
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